Top 5 Face-Palm Moments While on a Date

They say dating is a numbers game, and after five years of swiping, sipping, and surviving the occasional emotional ambush disguised as dinner, I’d say the odds are… unpredictable at best. Every woman who’s dipped a heel into the dating pool knows that for every swoon-worthy spark, there's an awkward pause, an unsolicited confession, or a one-way ticket to "did he really just say that?"

So, with an old fashion in one hand and my dignity (barely) intact in the other, I bring you: The Top 5 Face-Palm Moments While on a Date, because sometimes, laughter really is the only thing saving us from texting them back.

1. Mr. A – The Movie Pitch that Wasn’t

Mr. A had a deep yearning, not for love, not for connection, but for Dune 2. “I was going to ask this other girl I was seeing, but I took too long, so now it’ll seem insincere,” he confessed over dinner. I offered, somewhat playfully, “Well, if you want, we could go together.”

He looked at me, sincerely...

“Can I think about it?”

And suddenly I wasn’t a date. I was a Plan C. Cue internal silent scream.

Face. Palm.

2. Mr. B – The Therapist Trap

He poured out a saga of red flags - his, hers, ours - and I, ever the empath (and possibly nosy), listened. That’s when he hit me with the kicker:

“You’re such a good listener. Maybe I don’t need therapy. I’ll just talk to you.”

Sir, no. I charge by the hour, and my rate is “not interested.”

He later texted me randomly, months - a year! - later.

Still not replying.

Face. Palm.

3. Mr. C – The Organic Overlord

He only ate grass-fed beef, wild-caught fish, and drank water from a glass bottle because plastic was the devil. Naturally, I asked if he cooked for himself.

“No,” he said flatly, “My mum told me when I was young that I should leave the cooking to others.”

He had a helper. Of course he did.

And I had the sudden urge to order a Big Mac and a bottle of Dasani out of spite.

Face. Palm.

4. Mr. D – The ‘I forgot to mention I will be travelling the world’

Great convo, mutual vibes, and then, the twist:

“I’m leaving the country to travel for a year or two next month.”

Sir… timing is everything.

Face. Palm.

5. Mr. E – The Family Introduction… 30 Minutes In

We were still on our first round of drinks when he smiled and said,

“My mother is going to love you.”

Me: Quietly planning my exit strategy.

Face. Palm.

As I sat at dinner, retelling these stories with my girlfriends between fits of laughter and several rounds of highballs, I had to ask myself: Is modern dating just one long series of face-palms disguised as potential love stories?

And maybe the answer is yes, but at least we get great stories out of it.

Until next time, lovers.

Photo by Simone Secci on Unsplash